There’s something incredibly mysterious about children. Not only that they’re quite adorable and cute, but that they grow every day and night. You have probably experienced seeing a child who you haven’t seen for weeks or months growing so much. Their heights, weights, facial structures, and characters change. It’s like they’re flourishing so abundantly. As a new parent, I have the privilege of watching my son growing bigger and taller everyday. Of course, I know that he’s growing because we diligently feed him, but there really is something mysterious, strange, and amazing about this development of a child. It’s the life flourishing without fully grasping how all these things are taking place.
The kingdom of God is just like this. It’s not a lifeless political utopia, but a living organism whose growth solely depends on God, not on us. Jesus describes it as someone scattering seed on the ground and witnessing the seed that would sprout and grow overnight. Jesus adds, “The earth produces itself, first the stalk, then the head, then the full grain in the head.” The highlight of this short parable is that this sower does not know how the seed would sprout and grow and that the earth produces of itself. See, the point is that the sower does not produce it and grows it. Out of his hands. Out of his control. The kingdom of God cannot be put in a box. It is out of our control. Just as we cannot put God into our little box of how God is supposed to make sense, we cannot manipulate and control God’s reign in our lives and in this world. The kingdom of God is in this open space that is constantly unpacking itself, producing of itself, and flourishing itself. So it is never our job to grow the kingdom, but faithfully be part of it. Often we say we would like to build God’s kingdom here on earth, but we shouldn’t forget the prayer Jesus has taught, “Thy kingdom come…” We want to be part of this coming kingdom, not getting in the way as an obstacle or a restraining force, preventing others to be part of it. Then what this parable of the kingdom of God calls us to do is not just to scatter the seed, but really to witness this growth of the seed that is out of our control. It is to put ourselves in the place that is constantly opening up and flourishing, not under our strategic management, but completely out of our mere control. It calls us to live in this open and unpredictable place where God does what God wills no matter how hard we try to take control over. How does this view of God’s kingdom make you feel? Do you feel hopeful about this? Or does it produce anxiety? I think it certainly creates great anxiety. Putting myself in the state of unpredictability and uncertainty? Standing at the edge of the unknown? Who would like this? No one wants to be in chaos, feeling powerless. We all want to have a sense of control in our lives. In this sense, the kingdom of God that Jesus depicts is not so much of a welcoming and well-acceptable idea to us. We have enough things to be anxious about in our lives, particularly our future. This kingdom of God Jesus describes and proclaims in a way invites or even forces us to face the reality, let ourselves be completely out of control, and solely depend on God’s providence. This doesn’t mean that we are abandoning our responsibility. It means we decide not to take control of everything, we give up being in control, being in charge. This way of living, the life in the kingdom of God that Jesus embodies requires us to face and look directly at the deepest fear of death, non-existence, non-being. Jesus doesn’t go around this fear that every human being has. He himself goes through it. Even before his death on the cross, he faces that ultimate fear of non-existence at the garden of Gethsemane. He shares his feelings with his friends, Peter, James, and John and says, “I am deeply grieved, even to death; remain here, and keep awake.” He throws himself on the ground and prays, “Abba, Father, for you all things are possible; remove this cup from me; yet, not what I want, but what you want.” (Mk 14:33-36) Jesus who is fully human knows very well what it’s like to live with the question of what-if creates. He knows exactly what it is like to stand at the edge of the unknown. Yet, he prays and goes through it. He stays there with trust and faith in God the Father’s faithfulness. One thing we need to be aware of is that he’s not doing it with blind faith. There’s a clear goal here. That is the will of God that Jesus persistently discerns and follows. His staying in the midst of the unknown, his facing at the ultimate fear of death and non-existence is not for his sake only as if the purpose of his life is to achieve some kind of nirvana or becoming a superhuman who goes beyond everything. It is for entire humanity’s sake in which he completes this task by overcoming death by death, through his own death and resurrection. This whole life journey of Jesus on earth is what the kingdom of God is essentially about. More importantly for us, we look at this man, Jesus. We see him on the cross and stand at his feet. And we go to his empty tomb. We follow his steps with all the saints before us. Because without him, we can never be in this kingdom of God, we can never bear the weight of the kingdom of God where we let go of our own impulse to control, manipulate, govern, and rule everything about us. Without him, we can never stay in this open place where God grows, nurtures, and fulfills His own will on earth. Without Jesus, we will continue to scatter seeds and try to grow them on our own, putting them under our control as if that is even possible! This is what St Paul in his second letter to the Corinthians means. He says, “We are always confident even though we know that while we are at home in the body we are away from the Lord, for we walk by faith, not by sight.” (2 Cor 5:6) We walk by faith in this world, in our lives filled with the unknown. Yet, we often walk with anxiety because we can't really see uncertain and unpredictable things clearly. Faith in this sense is nothing but God-given courage that we dare to face what's real, look directly and intently at the very fear of death and non-existence. When we avoid and look away from this fear, our anxiety increases. Often in the life and death situation, we often become anxious. But if we accept our very human nature of mortality and finitude, if we look at death without getting distracted by fear of death, we finally see so clearly what matters the most in our lives. In that moment of accepting our human limitation and looking at death and nonbeing, hope arises. Life is not up to me. I am not in charge. I am not in control. But God is. God is beyond life and death, beyond good and evil. In this experience, God reigns and we live in the open place where God creates, renews, and restores what’s hurt, dead, and unforgiven. In this kingdom of God through Christ, we become what St Paul says happens. He says, “...if anyone is in Christ, there is a new creation: everything old has passed away; see, everything has become new!” The Eucharist is the kingdom of God sacramentally given to us. We believe the Eucharist as Jesus’ sacramental body and blood. It’s like the kingdom of God Jesus talks about. We didn't create it. Gathered in the name of Jesus, we simply brought the bread and the wine. Everything else such as transforming the bread and wine into the sacramental body and blood of Christ and bringing the new creation to us is not up to us. I don't do it. We don't do it. God’s grace does it when we gather in the name of Christ. And we eat the body of Christ and drink his blood, we have no idea what kind of effect would happen to us. But it is just like today’s parable that Jesus tells us. As the Eucharistic seed is planted in our hearts, this seed sprouts and grows without us knowing how. We are also like the birds of the air in Jesus’s second parable that make nests in the shade of a mustard tree. Without realizing that we are these birds making nests under its shade, we can help others be part of this unconditional grace-filled kingdom of God. The gospel is paradoxical. We gotta let go of our control to be in God’s control. We must die first to overcome death. We must let go of life to gain life. We gotta plant seed and sleep and rise again in faith to witness the seed sprouting and growing. We must do all these, not because it is conditional. May God grant us the courage to let go and let God as Jesus has done. In the name of the Father and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit. Amen. |
Paul"...life up your love to that cloud [of unknowing]...let God draw your love up to that cloud...through the help of his grace, to forget every other thing." Archives
January 2025
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