Pentecost+22/Proper 24B (Is 53:4-12; Ps 91:9-16; Heb 5:1-10; Mk 10:35-45)

I would like us to reflect on three fundamental questions we must ask in order to deeper understand our faith in Jesus. 1) Who do we follow? 2) Where are we following him? And 3) where is he going? It is crucial to ask these simple, basic, and ultimate questions ourselves than to hold onto some of the answers given by church authorities.

Before we get into the questions ourselves, let’s ask these same questions to two of Jesus’ disciples, James and John who appear in today’s gospel lesson. So, we first ask them, “James and John, who do you follow?” They would respond with confidence, “Jesus of Nazareth.” Then we want to ask them the other two questions, “Where are you following him? And where is he going?” They really don’t answer these questions in the gospel lesson, but we can find out how they would respond from their saying. They ask Jesus, “Teacher, we want you to do for us whatever we ask of you. Grant us to sit, one at your right hand and one at your left, in your glory.” James and John think Jesus is going to have his glory. And that’s where they are following him. So for their own glory, they’re proactively preparing for themselves. Before any of the other 10 disciples gets something good from Jesus, they want to make sure that they are guaranteed with his right and left seats as they follow Jesus to his glory. They want to secure their positions as his right and left hands in his glory. This sounds like a great plan. And we see the other disciples filled with anger at James and John, which in turn shows they also think it’s a great idea. They should’ve asked Jesus for a favor before James and John did! They should’ve been more assertive, direct, and diligent about their future careers!

But clearly, we know there is something off about this dynamic among the disciples. And there’s something we feel familiar about this. The disciples’ dispute over who will be Jesus’s right hand and left hand is like our everyday life at work, especially if you work in a place where everyone competes to be promoted. This is all too familiar. At the same time, we wonder, ‘Is following Jesus just like preparing my career, getting on a ladder, winning against all fellow competitors at my workplace?’ The answer is no. And we have this advantage of knowing more than the disciples about this whole enterprise of what it is to follow Jesus. Simply because they are the people in the story and we are the readers of that story. And we can say we know what the disciples do not know at this point. That is, we know where Jesus is really going and where we are really following Jesus.

The glory that all the disciples look for isn’t so glorious as they think it is. It is the cross to which Jesus is going. And only through the cross comes the resurrection. All the images shown in the first and second lessons today point to where Jesus is going. In the Book of Isaiah, we have this well-known image of the suffering servant of God. This servant of God bears our infirmities and carries our diseases. We strike him, and he is even struck down by God and afflicted, says the Prophet Isaiah. He is wounded not for his own transgressions, but for our own and is crushed for our iniquities. He is punished for what he hasn’t done, but what we have done. By his bruises, we are healed. He is oppressed and afflicted. He doesn’t say a word to defend himself but like a silent lamb. He’s cut off from the land of the living. Jesus is going to suffer. That’s where he is going.

The second lesson perceives Jesus’s decision to suffer and die as his free obedience to the will of God in which Jesus himself becomes the source of eternal salvation for all who follow him. The will of God to crush the suffering servant of God with pain that the Prophet Isaiah talks about and which sounds quite sadistic can only take place when Jesus’s own desire inclines his will to the will of God. So where Jesus is going is where God’s will is.

Now back to James and John. Can they really follow Jesus where he’s really going? Jesus asks them, “You do not know what you are asking. You do not know where you’re getting yourselves into! Are you able to drink the cup that I drink, or be baptized with the baptism that I am baptized with?” Having no idea what he’s talking about and where he’s going, they ignorantly say, “We are able.” Jesus accepts their answer and promises them, “The cup that I drink you will drink; and with the baptism with which I am baptized, you will be baptized; but to sit at my right hand or at my left is not mine to grant, but it is for those whom it has been prepared.”

James and John still have no idea what they’re getting into. But they know they will not get what they ask for. They will not be Jesus’s right hand or left hand. And this means that it really is not important to Jesus, especially in the kingdom of God where things are supposed to turn upside down, completely transformed into something radically different from this world. So, what James and John are promised from Jesus is that they will follow him to the cross where they will also suffer and die. But they will be resurrected with Jesus.

So, let me get back to the questions I raised at the beginning of this homily and throw them back to all of you!  1) Who do you follow? 2) Where are you following him? And 3) where is he going? Try to answer these basic, fundamental, and ultimate questions yourselves with your hearts. We can without thinking too hard say “Jesus” to the first question of who you follow like James and John as if he will get you whatever you ask like a vending machine. But then, knowing where Jesus is really going, we might want to pause for a moment and seriously consider if it's worth doing it. We might think to ourselves, ‘So I am following Jesus. But where is he going to take me? To the cross? To suffer and die?’ Even if we know that we will be resurrected with him as we die with him, we still might be hesitant to follow, looking for other ways to get to the resurrection without dying.

Knowing where Jesus is going, we might then honestly ask ourselves one more question. Why would I follow Jesus to his cross? Why would I do that? Following Jesus takes me to situations where I am called to die to my own ego. This process of dying to myself is to incline my will to the will of God. Giving up what I selfishly want can be an example of dying with Christ. When we talk about this expression of dying with Christ, it is rarely the case in America that we become martyrs like St Paul or St Peter or St Oscar Romero. It’s more about letting our self-serving desires examined to the will of God and freely choosing to change my will to that of God. Setting aside my personal agenda to serve a greater good for my community is also one of them.

Then here comes the same question we face. Why would I do that? Why would I give up my desires for others? When this following of Jesus is forced, it is harmful to our souls. We cannot coerce someone to do something. There is no freedom, but violence and mental prison where we are judged. The only motivating factor that can move our hearts and compel us to will what God wills is when we personally and intimately encounter the love of God. It’s only that love that can change our hearts. When that love touches us, it transforms us. We are able to have a glimpse of who we really are in the eyes of God. The way we understand ourselves, the things we justify ourselves with, all that validations and recognitions we search for from others become meaningless when the love of God sheds light on them. All my fault, guilt, and shame that judge me constantly are embraced and forgiven by God’s compassion. This love, my friends, is revolutionary. It shakes us. It wakes us up from the unreality we create to the reality of God who loves, restores, renews and resurrects our souls. This love enables and empowers us to freely and obediently choose what God wills. This love can transform our hearts because that love fulfills us, values us. That love is greater than anything in this world.

Looking at the suffering servant of God, we see there is someone who loves me to death, who is willing to give up his life for me. There is someone who believes in me, hopes for me,  and never gives up on me even when I feel worthless and people don't love me. That somebody is God himself who comes to the world through the womb of Blessed Mother. That is Jesus of Nazareth. So, my friends, I ask you again. Who do you follow? If you say ‘Jesus,’ is it that love that moves you to follow him? May the grace of our Lord Jesus Christ and the love of God and the fellowship of the Holy Spirit be with us forever and ever in the name of the Father, and of the Son, and of the Holy Spirit. Amen.