There is this notorious question that we might have had been asked when we were children, or we might have asked other children. That is, “Which parent do you love more?”
Though it may sound quite silly, scholars in the field of psychology have published a number of articles on this topic of children’s preference towards their parents. Their research focuses are what causes one to prefer one parent over the other and what might be some possible harms for that behavior. Of course, none of these studies tell us which parent one should love more! Instead, they suggest that this emotional splitting of preferring one parent over the other may become an obstacle to one’s fuller self-understanding. After all, both parents, not just one over the other, take part of children’s whole personhood. Reflecting on today’s gospel reading, Jesus asks his twelve disciples the “Which parent do you love more?” type of question. He says, “Whoever loves father or mother more than me is not worthy of me; and whoever loves son or daughter more than me is not worthy of me…” If I may summarize this saying of Jesus, it’s “Who do you love more...me or your family?” So, I dare to ask you this morning this same question, “Who do you love more...Jesus or your family?” Before you say anything, I admit that this question is not a good one. It is indeed a bad question. If we pick one or the other, we end up feeling terrible. Suppose I say I love Jesus more than my parents, my wife, and my son. I may sound like a faithful Christian, but I become an irresponsible son, husband, and father. It’s almost like saying to my son, “I love you, Theodore, but not as much as I love Jesus. You’re my second favorite.” What if I say I love my family more than Jesus? This response may be socially more acceptable, but something doesn’t sound right. As Jesus’ follower and disciple, as the person who was baptized with Jesus, died with him and risen with him, loving my family more than Jesus our Lord and Savior seems quite hypocritical. After all, whichever side I choose, I lose. This is not a win-win situation. We might want to ask ourselves, “Does Jesus want us to hate our family?” This kind of God who teaches hatred towards our family can’t be the God of love. I have seen some cases of cult movements that destroy family lives. Parents are told to abandon their children or children getting away from their parents in order to join such groups. Of course, there’s always a financial gain that follows. This critical thinking of the question, “Who do you love more?” then leads us to reconsider what it means for us to love Jesus or our family or someone in the Christian sense. Loving Jesus is never about hating our family. And family is a kind of domestic church. So, what does loving God or Jesus look like? Does it involve some emotional or physical experiences? Maybe so. Some mystics experienced physical and emotional sensations. They had a deep longing for the presence of God in Christ. They shed tears. Some of them went through the stigmata, having the marks of Jesus’ wounds on their body. Though all these experiences can happen as an expression of loving God, this is rather unique and esoteric. From the first reading from Genesis, we can actually learn what it is to love God. Last Sunday we heard the story of Abraham and Sarah meeting God whose appearance was revealed in the three men. These three men said to Abraham that Sarah would have a son. Sarah laughed about it, which became the reason why her son was named “Isaac” (which literally means laughing or mocking). Isaac wasn’t the first son of Abraham. Sarah had told Abraham that he should have a child from her slave girl Hagar. In today’s first lesson, we now see Hagar and her son Ishmael being kicked out of the house by Sarah. We might have some feelings about this brutal decision of Sarah to cast them out and Abraham’s unwillingness to protect Hagar and Ishmael, and perhaps how God was letting all things happen. Hagar and Ishmael are left in the wilderness. Often, there are some images of this story in which Hagar is carrying her infant son Ishmael in her arms and wandering around. Actually, that picture may be not so correct since we can estimate that Ishmael would be about 17 years old. We can imagine Hagar and her teenage son. Water and food supplies are finally gone. No food and water remain available, which means this mom and son would eventually die. Hagar does something interesting in the midst of facing their own deaths. She casts Ishmael under the bush, distances herself from him, and sits down. She starts praying to God, or rather weeping for help! She cries out to God, “Do not let me look on the death of the child!” I can easily imagine her suffering since I have seen parents of pediatric patients in the hospital. God does answer Hagar, yet in a very strange way. We are told that God heard the voice of Ishmael, not the voice of Hagar. The angel of God, not God himself, calls her from heaven and tells her, “What troubles you, Hagar? Do not be afraid; for God heard the voice of the boy where he is…” Nowhere in the text do we hear the voice of Ishmael, but only Hagar and the angel’s. Let’s not forget that Ishmael isn’t an infant. He is a teenager who can of course speak for himself. What we know from the story is that not just Hagar, but also Ishmael also prays to God. He prays for their life. And God hears his voice. God hears the voice of the one whose voice is not heard by us. God has never forgotten Hagar’s son, Ishmael even though Hagar might have thought God has forgotten about him and herself. On this note, Jesus isn’t really asking us to love him more and love your family less. Jesus is telling us that Jesus loves our family more than we can do. Jesus in a way teaches us how to love our family deeper and wider. Trust your loved ones to Jesus. Jesus hears their voices, not just when you pray for them. We leave them to Jesus who never abandons them, who is always ever present in their joy or sorrow. If we know that Jesus loves our family more than we do, then the question of “who do you love more?” doesn’t mean much. It’s never about loving Jesus more than the other. It’s really about loving Jesus whose love goes beyond the boundaries of space and time. Loving God in Christ is trusting in Christ that not only he cares about me, but also my family, friends, and those who I don’t know and will not know as well as those who do not know him. St. John said God loved us first, not us. God initiated that love in a concrete and mysterious way of the incarnation. This love is for all. Look at the love of God in our loved ones. Love that love. That love is nothing like ours that is conditional and limited. This love is unconditional and catholic to the point where even death cannot separate us from it! With this way of loving God in Christ, with this trust in Christ whose love towards all never perishes, we can take up the cross and follow him. We can get out of our own box called, “no one matters, but my family only” and reach out to those in need and suffering. Those to whom we reach out then become our new family who has already been in the love of Christ. Jesus tells us not to fear. We have nothing to lose, perhaps our body, but not our soul. God even cares about sparrows and counts the hairs of our head. Love God in Christ. Trust yourself to Christ. Trust your loved ones to Christ. Christ never abandons you and your loved ones even if we time to time do abandon him. In the name of the Father, and of the Son, and of the Holy Spirit. Amen. |
Paul"...life up your love to that cloud [of unknowing]...let God draw your love up to that cloud...through the help of his grace, to forget every other thing." Archives
January 2025
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