Have you ever been waiting for something or someone so desperately? A simple example I can easily think about is the night before a wonderful summer vacation ahead of you. Imagine it to be stress-free. No need to worry about what to eat, where to stay and sleep, what to do, and where to visit. Everything is set. All you gotta do is show up. How exciting is this? We’re waiting for this vacation to come! For me, Friday feels like it even though I don’t do much over the weekend. So, when we have a vacation like that, it’s hard for us to fall asleep. We’re filled with excitement and joy.
Here’s a rather contrasting example. I work as a hospital chaplain during the week. One of my duties is to stay overnight on call at the hospital at least twice a month. We have a small on-call room where we can sleep. It’s definitely better than having to stay awake all night. We do get to sleep, but it’s way far different from sleeping in my own bed. I’ve been working as a chaplain for about 4 years. In the beginning, it was extremely difficult to sleep when I'm overnight on-call. I couldn’t really sleep. I woke up out of anxiety, thinking what if I had missed an emergency call. You can imagine how hard it is to rest in that situation. Now, I’m a little bit used to this kind of sleep pattern, but still I wake up on and off, constantly checking my pager to see if I received any call from the unit. So, I gave you two examples of having a difficult time to sleep. One has no anxiety whereas the other is filled with anxiety. Which one would you prefer? Of course, it’s the first one. Now, let’s look at the gospel. In today’s gospel reading according to St. Luke, Jesus tells his disciples to be awake and be watchful. He always talks to them in parables. We have the watchful servants who are faithfully waiting for their master. And the other parable is the watchful owner who would guard her house if she knew when the thief was about to break into her house. Jesus’ message to his disciples is clear: “Be dressed for action and have your lamps lit” and “You must be ready!” And be ready for what? Be ready because Jesus the Son of God is coming at an unexpected hour. We should be ready all the time because we don’t know exactly when Jesus would be back. There’s a great sense of uncertainty and frustration about this. This type of waiting is much more challenging. It’s like we're waiting for something that we don't even know exactly what it's all about. In the psychology of waiting, researchers say it is a bit easier to wait on something when any explanation of its delay is given to those who are waiting. I’m sure you’ve experienced a long wait at your doctor’s appointment or hospital stay. Especially in a hospital setting, nothing is punctual. No one can guarantee exactly what time you will go for tests or you will be discharged. Sometimes I wonder why patients are called patients. They’re forced to be patient! And there is one thing that can make waiting a bit easier. It’s when any type of explanation of delay is given to patients. In the case of the gospel reading, it seems there's no specific explanation why he comes at an unexpected hour. Jesus himself doesn't even know when. He simply states it will happen at an unexpected time. He even warned us not to believe anyone who said When the gospel of St. Luke was orally handed down and was written, its community believed that the risen Jesus would come back soon, perhaps in their lifetime. St. Paul even recommended the Corinthian community not to marry if you're single. If you are already married, then stay married. Basically don't make a long-term plan because “...the present time of this world is passing away.” St. Paul was looking forward to the end days, the second coming of the risen Christ. When Jesus comes back, everything will change! We can be skeptical about this early church’s attitude towards Jesus’ second coming. We might think, “Poor ancient people who waited for nothing! Jesus hasn’t shown up yet! Probably not forever!?” The world might laugh at them as well as us for not being logical and reasonable enough to believe in such a myth! And here’s a more crucial question for us. How many of us are really waiting for the return of the risen Christ? The early church’s hope of Jesus’ coming back was never an illusion. It was real for them. They risked their life to death as watchful servants. And we as Church want to faithfully wait for the one St. Paul and St. Luke’s community had been waiting for. In this sense, and in the light of the gospel reading, we are called to be “faithful waiters.” What’s important for us is then how faithfully we are waiting for the risen Christ. Looking at the sky as if Jesus is coming is not the best way to wait for him. We can’t be too faithful that way. We’re going to have some serious neck problems. Trying to calculate the expected time by using all our mathematical techniques wouldn’t be the one. Like Jesus said, no one knows exactly when, but only God the Father. There’s indeed one possible way to be a faithful waiter. This way is not passive. It’s much more active. It’s to allow ourselves to encounter Jesus’ at an unexpected time. When I say “encounter him,” it simply means to encounter his death and resurrection. The only way to get into his death and resurrection is to face our own death. Death to ourselves, death to our ego, death to our sins, death to our desire to be in control of everything, death to be a god of our own, death to our unfaith to create life out of our own. This is how we sit at the cross of Jesus. This death then turns into the resurrection! If I express this more clearly and more radically, I’m encouraging us to think about your own death as often as you can on a daily basis. In our death, God who raised the crucified Jesus comes to us to raise us with him. Only in our death, we see the resurrection. This thought of death might depress us and scare us. But it is the reality of all humanity. We don’t live forever. We can’t live forever. For us Christians, we have already died with Christ in our baptism. Now the questions is not “How would you die?” It is “How would you live your second life after death?” This question makes Jesus’ teaching on selling possessions and giving alms easy! Thinking of our own death, we don’t bring anything with us when we die. We don’t know when we’re going to die. There’s a similarity between this and what Jesus said about his second coming. It happens at an unexpected time. In this uncertainty, we can still be ready for it. We can better prepare ourselves. In the Great Litany from our Prayer Book, there’s a line that says, “...and from dying suddenly and unprepared, Good Lord, deliver us.” (BCP p. 149) I’m not saying that we should be suicidal. I’m saying we should remind ourselves of our baptism in which we have died with Christ and are risen with him. Thinking about our own death is the means to remind ourselves the promise of the resurrection, the new life that God has given us in Christ through the Holy Spirit. We can be faithful waiters of our death in which Jesus ever comes and visits us. There’s really nothing to be afraid for those who are willing to face their own death and have hope for the resurrection. Our BCP teaches us that “...walking in the way of the cross, we may find it none other than the way of life and peace.” Jesus says, “Blessed are the faithful waiters!” He will fasten his belt and have them sit down to eat, and he will come and serve them. No master does that. But our master, our Lord is the one who came to serve. Sunday after Sunday, Jesus serves us at the Eucharist. He comes to us, ever present in his Body and Blood we receive. Good news is that whether we’ve been faithful or not, as we receive his Body and Blood, we are once again encountered with his mercy and compassion. We become more faithful and more watchful because of his unending and unconditional love towards us and the world. I pray that in our own death may we be nourished by the power of the resurrection, and be faithful waiters day by day with the help of the Holy Spirit. And as we encounter Christ’s real presence in his Body and Blood at the Eucharist, let us see the risen Jesus, our Lord, fastening his belt, feeding us with his own flesh and blood, and serving us, so that we as faithful waiters and watchful servants can serve others! In the name of the Father, and of the Son, and of the Holy Spirit. Amen. |
Paul"...life up your love to that cloud [of unknowing]...let God draw your love up to that cloud...through the help of his grace, to forget every other thing." Archives
January 2025
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